Tuesday, 24 March 2009

A Writer I Am Not --- Just Yet

For the past few weeks, I have been trying to write essays and all that. For something... It was not easy, really. I have realised that I settled to expressing myself in simple words and plain statements. The love for words and the love for expressing myself with total surrender had come to a halt without my knowledge. I have written a 750-word essay for about three days (with intervals of long hours in between). Which is frustrating. Playing with words, using them in different situations, discovering a new meaning and use to it, whilst intentionally impressing other people was a part of myself before. I was trying to learn. I was, at the very least, trying. And that self was long gone without me realising it. Too much buried in work I suppose and maybe I just settled for something more convenient, which is auto-thinking. Automatically unthinking. Guess this started when I thought I do so well with my work that I have lesser and lesser grammatical errors on the sentences I type over and over again, and all I had to do was to type without giving too much regard. The sentences I need to send out to our customers need not be too articulate nor expressive anyway.

It was lethal.

Even the small taps of my fingers on my keyboard sometimes distracts me of my foregoing thought about a topic or a sentence that I was about to write. But it's impossible for me to type without a sound, as it is the same to everyone, isn't it? Nevertheless, I was given two options. To proceed or not to proceed with this another painful learning point of my life. To learn or to settle. To grow or to be stunted. In any case, we both know what I would choose.

After I have dealt with myself and my personal concerns of why human act like human, I am now on another phase of my life where this time... It's me re-evaluating how far I have come when it comes to my knowledge of expressing myself.

It not gonna be an easy journey, and most probably just like the others, this will be a lifetime process.

I wrote this post in about an hour.

Another blow of frustration.

Why don't I start pulling up my MS Word again?

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