Saturday, 4 October 2008

When Someone Has Told You Something Very Deep and You Won't Know How to Respond

Beau and I have been having some frequent small talks regarding his leaving for abroad. I guess one of the things he has in mind was that I might go "astray" from what we have and what we have been planning ever since. Although that has sort of cut my heart as it seemed to me that it it seemed to him (in one way or the other) that would be easy for me to let go just because of temporary pleasures, I just put whatever assumptions I have in mind somewhere out there. I just think that he's just having some going-abroad-jitters, as I myself is not really certain on what's going to happen once he's away (who is anyway, right?). I mean, no one among us is certain what's going to happen tomorrow or the week or year after next, so... yeah... get my drift?
This morning, we had our usual chat online. And of course, as it is always "usual", I wasn't expecting something different is going to happen then.
Although one of the things I like about my beau is everytime he calls me "mahal". It's just music to my ears. And as much as I hate to admit it, I still get kilig and very anticipating of whatever he's going to say right after that.
And so again... out of nowhere... he called me "mahal". Then he spoke out these words...

beau: mahal
thank you
me: san?
beau: for being my partner
me: :)
bakit ka naman biglang napasabi nyan, baby? :)
beau: wla naman
naisip ko lang
it won't be possible for me to go abroad
if i haven't found a partner
that i can trust
not only with my money but with my heart :)

(sorry for the pasted ym convo... I don't know how to paste it some other way Ü) BTW, don't mind my answer right after that. ;)

What matters most here is that I have known right from him that he trusts me enough to leave me here. I hope he also knows that I trust him, not just enough, but maybe too much of a too much to let him go and be wherever he should be. Tulad nga ng sabi ko sa isa mga dati kong posts (just like I said on one of my previous posts), "I let him go... let him leave... as I know it's also me letting him live." So, maybe no one may be able to comprehend how deeply I feel regarding his leaving for abroad, but all I can say now is... I'll miss him so.

So many songs to sing, songs just to keep myself sane
Trying to keep our memories together aflame
When one like me who easily unconsciously forgets
Holds on dearly to many heartfelt remembrances unregret

1 comment:

Mico Lauron said...

i missed you!

ei, you'll be fine...

having him i guess is something worthwhile...

you'll be fine...

yes you will.